The Day we Defended Fifty Shades of Grey(!)

May 20, 2015 - Fifty Shades of Grey


Yes, we know a book is awful in any probable way, and I’ve blogged about it several times on The Huffington Post. And final month in a sex essay workshop, we used one of a sex scenes as an instance of really bad writing. Here’s some of a mention we chose:

His hands run down my physique and over my breasts as he reaches a drop during a bottom of my neck with his lips. He swirls a tip of his nose around it afterwards starts a really resting journey with his mouth, streamer south, following a trail of his hands, down a sternum to my breasts. Each one is kissed and nipped kindly and my boobs kindly sucked. Holy crap. My hips start relocating and relocating of their possess accord, harsh to a stroke of his mouth on me….Reaching my navel, he dips his tongue inside, and afterwards kindly grazes my swell with his teeth. My physique bows off a bed…..His nose glides along a line between my swell and my pubic hair, satirical me gently, teasing me with his tongue. Sitting adult suddenly, he kneels during my feet, rapacious both my ankles and swelling my legs wide.

Holy shit. He grabs my left foot, bends my knee, and brings my feet to his mouth. Watching and assessing any reaction, he kindly kisses any of my toes, afterwards bites any one of them gently on a pads. When he reaches my small toe, he bites harder, and we convulse, whimpering. He glides his tongue adult my instep–and we can no longer watch him. It’s too erotic. I’m going to combust.

When they review this scene, a students fast identified all a things that were wrong with it in a energetic and waggish discussion. Short list: a sex is all extraneous and clinical; a “geography” is weird; a voice shifts in rare ways; a essay is anything though erotic; and we should never have to tell readers a sex stage is sexy.


To ready for a workshop, I’d left over Fifty Shades of Grey delicately a month before, that is why, when we saw a mention next all over Facebook recently, we had to cry foul. we knew it was fake. And we was also flattering certain we had formerly used a same freaky and humorous lines quoted when handing out a list of winners or runners-up in a Bulwer-Lytton bad essay competition to a novella essay class. Or I’d during slightest deliberate regulating them.


As bad a author as E.L. James is, this isn’t her special kind of bad. This is different. It’s only a shade some-more grotesque. And while Christian Grey is lots of things — nothing of them engaging — he doesn’t mewl. Maybe a book would have been improved if he had.

So there we was on Facebook, vouchsafing people know a selection was bogus, after defending such greats as Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain from misquotation. we asked people not to re-post it. Why? Because James deserves full approval for her possess code of lousy essay and nobody else’s, interjection to her heading lines like “My subconscious has reared her somnambulant head” and “I cut another square of venison, holding it opposite my mouth.”

A classical is a classic, after all.

Lev Raphael is a author of Assault With a Deadly Lie and 24 books in genres from discourse to mystery, that we can find on Amazon and Barnes Noble. This blog post creatively seemed on Writing Across Genres.

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