Wimbiscus: Jane Fonda, ‘Fifty Shades’ and chicky flicks – The Herald
September 9, 2018 - Fifty Shades of Grey
“Do we wish to watch a film tonight?”
Uh-oh. This isn’t going to finish well.
“Sure,” we reply, meaningful already there’s no removing out of this brief of cardiac arrest. “What do we wish to watch?”
“Well, a man during work was revelation me about this comedy he and his mother watched final night. He pronounced it was hilarious.”
“Is that so? What’s it about?”
“Well, apparently there’s this book bar with these 4 comparison women …”
Women. Figures. Otherwise she wouldn’t wish to watch it.
“… and they all confirm to review ‘Fifty Shades of Grey,’ we know that eccentric sex novel …”
“Fifty Shades.” Figures.
Sara, like each other lady in America, has review all 3 of a “Fifty Shades” novels. (On an impulse, we once browsed by a initial book. we found it surprisingly prolonged on “feelings,” yet surprisingly brief on sex.)
“… and it’s ostensible to be unequivocally funny!”
Funny. For some reason, we find this tough to believe.
“Who’s in it?” we ask, even yet we should know better.
“Candace Bergen …”
“Diane Keaton …
“and Jane Fonda!”
An dusk of septuagenarian pretentiousness – a ideal approach to deposit a subsequent dual hours of my life.
“Sounds great!” we lie. “What’s it called?”
“I have no idea. Can we demeanour it up?”
Sigh. Here we go again.
Outside of John Wayne films, Sara has no seductiveness in many cinema unless they engage women: women descending in love, women descending out of love, women tricked by violent husbands, women branch a tables on violent husbands, women followed by sequence killers, women posterior sequence killers … we get a picture. Romances. Tearjerkers. Melodramas. Rom coms. Chick flicks.
Movies like “Fried Green Tomatoes.” And “Sweet Home Alabama.” And “Dirty Dancing.” And “Pretty Woman.” And “Steel Magnolias.” And, of course, “The Notebook,” a 2004 film that has turn a inhabitant anthem of chicky flicks, and a film Sara seems to watch on a monthly basis. Now anytime Sara gets a hungry to watch a movie, it’s approaching that I’m going to watch it with her. Because, we know, we’re married and stuff. So unless we can come adult with a current forgive – we have to go to work, or cut a grass, or have a branch dungeon transplant – I’m screwed.
Her kind of cinema tend to be a distant cry from my kind of movies. My kind customarily engage soldiers, aliens or cowboys. Movies prolonged on movement and brief on talking. With lots of explosions in between. Sara generally has small seductiveness in examination a films we wish to see, and customarily tells me so. Either that, or she’ll find an forgive to go in another room to make a phone call or take a bath. Short of that, she’ll simply tumble defunct 20 mins into a movie. Once, a few years ago, she astounded me by perfectionist we take her out to see a western, a ask we was primarily speedy to perform until we found out that a western was “Brokeback Mountain.”
Meanwhile, behind during a ranch, it’s time to figure out what film she’s articulate about so we can sequence it On Demand while she goes upstairs and puts on her pajamas (de rigueur for women examination chicky flicks).
Hmm. Hopefully we won’t be means to even find it.
I form “older women ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ book club.” Instantly, like an asthmatic cat, it coughs adult a response: “ ‘Book Club’ (2018) Four lifelong friends have their lives perpetually altered after reading ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.’ Rating 6.1/10.”
Before we can erase my query, Sara is behind on a couch.
“Oh, we found it!”
There’s no removing out of it; for a subsequent hour and 44 minutes, we am screwed. Fortunately, 27 mins into a movie, Sara falls asleep. And we am afterwards faced with a new dilemma: Do we close off a TV and rubbish $5.99? Or siphon it adult and watch a whole thing?
Ever a tightwad, we select a latter. Turns out a film wasn’t that bad. Although there wasn’t most sex in it. And not even one explosion.
• Bill Wimbiscus, former contributor and editor for The Herald-News, has lived in Joliet for some-more than 25 years. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.